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Dear Father,

However odd you find me writing a letter out to you, at least you didn't know that you're actually reading a letter written out by me. This is actually something i thought of doing remembering the letters you wrote to your dad when you were young. All of them had a mishmash of emotions - happiness , sadness, anguish, pain, anger and the types. So that initially made me think, as a kid would normally, that as a young man you were just a confused man who was rather rickety emotionally. But over the last 2 years i have grown to appreciate the medium you had so artfully made mileage of. Fantastic. For one, i agree you were a smart man. And seconds, you were a better dad. To say you taught me and showed me the right things at the time that was perfect, would just fall flat of describing what learning from you exactly was.

Now that I've stroked your already bloated ego, I shall move on. Something you never actually taught me to accept was loss. Don't you think you failed there? Well, obviously your opinion would be that you didn't right? Sadly you are wrong. Get your thoughts out of that artificial shell you've cocooned yourself in and think about it practically. You've always told me "You have to understand and nail down to your head, how important winning is and achieving success at every stage is the only goal a man can have. Whether he achieves it or not is a different matter altogether, but the mentality should be that of a winner. Else You would end up a loser, which is not worth living for." Accepted. Very Valid. Then again incomplete drivel. How could you just tell me that and leave it there? Why didn't you ever tell me losing was a part and parcel of the game, and the champagne in another persons hand is the most miserable sight there is. Especially when its the champagne you've sipped on personally, enjoy, cherish with your life and have only bottle of. There's only 1 bottle of that champagne in existence altogether dammit. Why didn't you tell me how to handle that on all levels? Why didn't you tell me how to handle it? Why didn't you ever render one of your stupid stories about how a mature man would handle that? Is it so that even mature men cannot handle loss? What if the loss is personal? What if it is close to your heart? What if there is more to the loss than you thought? Why didn't you ever tell me it would feel like betrayal? Why do i think that it is betrayal? Why didn't you tell me that it is unbearable pain? Are you afraid of the pain yourself? Do you weep under the shower yourself? For almost as long as I've known you, you've hardly faced any losses. That definitely doesn't qualify you to not tell me what it was.

Or was this one of your "Get-on-the-highway-and-learn-to-drive" exercises. Its just awful if so, that you had to leave me out in the wild to face this and incur the wrath of misery. She is laughing at me now. From within me. I hate her. Its funny how you missed out on this, because I can recollect no such instance where i don't know how to handle a situation. I was always trained for it, directly or indirectly. You just left me in the wild for the wrong lesson. You should have told me how to balance the malevolence and the melancholy that accompanies loss. Undeniably there are more sentiments and emotions that destroy your happiness and positivity in such cituations that i have not really felt bite me that much yet. Does that not make all your talk about victory and the modesty and maturity that has to follow it, shuck and jive. I'm not humbled by loss, i am mentally annihilated and my confidence gutted.

Yes, undoubtedly one mistake doesn't make you any lesser than the father you were to me. But what if you lost your wife to someone else? Would you handle that?