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Dear Father,

However odd you find me writing a letter out to you, at least you didn't know that you're actually reading a letter written out by me. This is actually something i thought of doing remembering the letters you wrote to your dad when you were young. All of them had a mishmash of emotions - happiness , sadness, anguish, pain, anger and the types. So that initially made me think, as a kid would normally, that as a young man you were just a confused man who was rather rickety emotionally. But over the last 2 years i have grown to appreciate the medium you had so artfully made mileage of. Fantastic. For one, i agree you were a smart man. And seconds, you were a better dad. To say you taught me and showed me the right things at the time that was perfect, would just fall flat of describing what learning from you exactly was.

Now that I've stroked your already bloated ego, I shall move on. Something you never actually taught me to accept was loss. Don't you think you failed there? Well, obviously your opinion would be that you didn't right? Sadly you are wrong. Get your thoughts out of that artificial shell you've cocooned yourself in and think about it practically. You've always told me "You have to understand and nail down to your head, how important winning is and achieving success at every stage is the only goal a man can have. Whether he achieves it or not is a different matter altogether, but the mentality should be that of a winner. Else You would end up a loser, which is not worth living for." Accepted. Very Valid. Then again incomplete drivel. How could you just tell me that and leave it there? Why didn't you ever tell me losing was a part and parcel of the game, and the champagne in another persons hand is the most miserable sight there is. Especially when its the champagne you've sipped on personally, enjoy, cherish with your life and have only bottle of. There's only 1 bottle of that champagne in existence altogether dammit. Why didn't you tell me how to handle that on all levels? Why didn't you tell me how to handle it? Why didn't you ever render one of your stupid stories about how a mature man would handle that? Is it so that even mature men cannot handle loss? What if the loss is personal? What if it is close to your heart? What if there is more to the loss than you thought? Why didn't you ever tell me it would feel like betrayal? Why do i think that it is betrayal? Why didn't you tell me that it is unbearable pain? Are you afraid of the pain yourself? Do you weep under the shower yourself? For almost as long as I've known you, you've hardly faced any losses. That definitely doesn't qualify you to not tell me what it was.

Or was this one of your "Get-on-the-highway-and-learn-to-drive" exercises. Its just awful if so, that you had to leave me out in the wild to face this and incur the wrath of misery. She is laughing at me now. From within me. I hate her. Its funny how you missed out on this, because I can recollect no such instance where i don't know how to handle a situation. I was always trained for it, directly or indirectly. You just left me in the wild for the wrong lesson. You should have told me how to balance the malevolence and the melancholy that accompanies loss. Undeniably there are more sentiments and emotions that destroy your happiness and positivity in such cituations that i have not really felt bite me that much yet. Does that not make all your talk about victory and the modesty and maturity that has to follow it, shuck and jive. I'm not humbled by loss, i am mentally annihilated and my confidence gutted.

Yes, undoubtedly one mistake doesn't make you any lesser than the father you were to me. But what if you lost your wife to someone else? Would you handle that?

Swimming Part I

M : I'm sure you're finding this a litlle funny aren't you?

V : Funny would definitely not be the word I'd like to use.

M : Odd?

V : Nah, Definitely not odd.

M : Different then? New? Fresh?

V : Yes, somewhere there. Fresh actually. It's the sort of word i wouldn't like to associate with the current scenario. Its like picking up a really good looking pebble from a river adn taking it back home. Three days down when you take it out of your bag to keep it on your desk because its going to make a nice paperweight to occupy space on your empty desk, you realise the underside actually has moss growing there. It's like how you would feel then. The moss i mean.

M : It's definitely not that dirty.

V : You think moss is dirty? Its so beautifully green and velvety. Those are two adjectives that might anything sound beautiful and nice to have. But then again everyone is repelled by moss right? Thats what i meant.

M : Soda?

V : See, that's exactly what i meant. Soda.

M : What's wrong with soda?

V : Nothings wrong with it. You are going to offer me a glass of coke and you asked me whether i wanted soda. I could get lost in here you know.

M: Uhun. Diet or Zero?

V: Ha ha.

M : Yes, now you can stop.

V : Ihave never stopped at signals you know? I've never felt like obeying rules and norms. Now I'm this righteous prude.

M : Are you wondering how this happened to you?

V : No, I'm just wondering why.

M : And?

V : And what?

M: Why did this happen?

V : Ah, I'm still searching for the answer to that.

M : It can't be all that bad, can it?

V : Maybe. It definitely is not all that bad. I'll fit in soon enough and accept it soon, but for now, I'm still pushing myself to it.

M : Beneath all that, you just like it don't you?

V : Yes, very much. I like.

M : Right, you'll start liking dogs too soon.

V : Oh yes, I'm waiting for that day. At least i can get myself to keep a dog for company then. I don't have to go around looking for it.

M : What do you mean looking for it?

V : Yes, I'm a love-slut. Aren't you one?

M : What?

V : Yes. I want someone to love me. More aptly, I want to always feel like I'm being loved. Lots of folks do. They would go miles to get there.

M : Somehow i wish i never had first thought i had met you.

V : Where did that come from?

M : So you are saying that I am your love toy, right?

V : You shouldn't be so harsh on yourself.

M : So thats what it is right?

V : Ok, let me put it this way. You know that you were one of your parents' love toys don't you?

M : How dare you?

V : You don't agree?

M : Fuck no.

V : Then you didn't know. Fine..

M : I didn't know what?

V : That you were one of your parents' love toys, thats what.

M : What the..?

V : Yes, even i found it hard to digest.

M : What will it take to shut you up?

V : Lots of sex.

M : You think you're going to get me into bed that way? Is that how you do it?

V : Hmm..

M : You think your parents gave birth to you and brought you up so that they can feel loved?

V : Exactly, and they married each other only for that reason. And every human has a friend, pet, wife, kid, parents etc. for that very same reason.

M : I'm going to throw you out of my place.

V : Every human likes being loved. And once you've been loved, you want to feel that always. It's like an addiction. It's hard to live without it. That makes us dependent on it. Very. And we whore around for exactly that sensation.

M : Your way of speaking can be obnoxious. You realize that don't you?

V : Thats probably because i think that way.

......

Thank you, Mr. Ives.

MARK: Al!

AL: Hey there, Marcus. What’s up?

MARK: Jesus!

AL: What’s going on, buddy?

MARK: Oh, man . . . !

AL: What’s the matter? Sit down.

MARK: I don’t get it, Al. I don’t understand it.

AL: You want something? You want a drink? I’ll call the waitress—

MARK: (desperate) No! No! Don’t even try. (Gets a breath.) I don’t know what’s going on today, Al. It’s really weird.

AL: What, like . . . ?

MARK: Well – just for an example. This morning I stopped off at a drugstore to buy some asprin. This is at a big drugstore, right?

AL: Yeah.

MARK: I got up to the counter, the guy says what can I do for you, I say, give me a bottle of aspirin. The guy gives me this funny look and he says, “Oh we don’t have that, sir.” I said to him, you’re a drugstore and you don’t have any aspirin?

AL: Did they have Crocin?

MARK: Yeah!

AL: Paracetamol?

MARK: Yeah!

AL: Viagra?

MARK: Yeah!

AL: But no aspirin.

MARK: No!

AL: Wow . . .

MARK: And that’s just the kind of weird of thing that’s been happening all day. It’s like, I go to a newsstand to buy the New York Times the guy never even heard of it.

AL: Could’ve been a misunderstanding

MARK: I asked everyplace---nobody had the News! I had to read the Toronto Hairdresser. Or this. I go into this diner at lunchtime to buy a sandwich, the guy tells me they don’t have any ham. How can they be a diner if they don’t have any ham??

AL: Was this a Korean diner?

MARK: This was a kosher from Jerusalem diner. “Oh we don’t carry that sir,” he says to me. “Have some tongue.”

AL: Mmm….

MARK: I just got into a cab, the guy says he doesn’t go to Fifty-sixth street!! He offers to take me to Queens instead!

AL: Mm-hmm.

MARK: Looking at me like I’m an alien or something!

AL: Mark. Settle down.

MARK: “Oh I don’t go there, sir.”

AL: Settle down. Take a breath.

MARK: Do you know what this is?

AL: Sure.

MARK: What is it? What’s happening to me?

AL: You’re in a Philadelphia. That’s all.

MARK: But I’m in---

AL: Yes. Physically you’re in New York. But metaphysically you’re in a Philadelphia.

MARK: I’ve never heard of this!

AL: You see, inside of what we know as reality there are these pockets, these black holes called Philadelphias. If you fall into one, you run up against exactly the same kinda shit that’s been happening to you all day.

MARK: Why?

AL: Because in Philadelphia, no matter what you ask for you can’t get it. You ask for something they’re not gonna have it. You want to do something, it’s not gonna get done. You want to go somewhere, you can’t get there from here.

MARK Good God. So this is very serious.

AL: Just remember, Marcus. This is a condition named for the town that invented the cheese steak. Something that nobody in his right mind would willingly ask for.

MARK: And I thought I was just having a very bad day….

AL: Sure. Millions of people have spent entire lifetimes inside a Philadelphia and never even knew it. Look at the city of Philadelphia itself. Hopelessly trapped forever inside a Philadelphia. And do they know it?

MARK: Well what can I do? Should I just kill myself and get it over with?

AL: You try to kill yourself in a Philadelphia you’re only gonna get hurt babe.

MARK: So what do I do?

AL: Best thing is to wait it out. Someday the great cosmic train will whisk you outta the City of Brotherly Love and off to someplace happier.

Proem

Knock Knock.

AEM: It's you.

M: Hello. Were you expecting anyone else?

AEM: No, but what are you doing here?

M: I used to belong here remember?

AEM: Yes, I do. I thought you had forgotten.

M: Not really. Is there anyone else inside?

AEM: No, absolutely not.. Why?

M: I was wondering if i could come in.

AEM: Oh sure, step in. I was just shocked to see you here. Really, what are you doing here?

M: You look as if you don't want me back here!

AEM: I look as if i wasn't expecting you here ever again, that's what i look like. I thought you finked out on me for good. And yes I'm shocked you look like this. Did you deflate?

M: Me fink out on you? Ha!

AEM: Don't get smart on me! I haven't seen you in a year and a half.

M: Yes, that i shall accept.

AEM: Where have you been? Where did you go?

M: I've been with Mary for a year.

AEM: You slut.

M: I'm back. Doesn't that make things better?

AEM: Of course it Fucking doesn't, slut.

M: Listen, We'll make things work here alright.

AEM: Is that what you told her when you went off.

M: Can i lie to you?

AEM: You slut.

M: I cant?

AEM: You slut.

M: You see, I seem to have got the message.

AEM: You slut.

M: Fine.

AEM: You left Mary now?

M: Yes, haven't seen much of her in the past few months. Four to five exactly.

AEM: Exactly? How is four to five, exactly?

M: Alright. 4.

AEM: Then Why did you say 5?

M: I dunno, I seem to have lost count.

AEM: You're finding this funny aren't you?

M: Definitely not.

AEM: You slut.

M: You say that once more and I'll start finding that funny.

AEM: You are welcome to leave.

M: OK, I apologise. Listen, can we forget all this and get back to where we were?

AEM: Where were we?

M: Mmm.

AEM: You fucking don't know do you?

M: Mmm.

AEM:You Slut.

M: I'm sorry.

AEM: You're sniggering!!

M: I told you I'd find it funny if you told me the same thing again.

AEM: Whats so funny about being a slut, slut.

M: Nothing.

AEM: Then stop finding thaings that are not even remotely funny, funny.

M: Right.

AEM: Now what made you come back here?

M: I missed you.

AEM: Don't lie, slut.

M: I got bored of mary.

AEM: Thats more like it.

M: She ate into my head really. Beyond a point she had to go.

AEM: So you went. That's so stereotype. You got no moxie, do you?

M: That isn't true.

AEM: That's why you left me and ran away for so long, erased me out for a while and now you've run away from mary and come back to me! You're spineless.

M: OK.

AEM: Good, thats what i like about you, you listen.

M: You're smiling!

AEM: What did you expect? I'm seeing you after a year and a half, I know i loved you and you loved me. You fell for Mary. I still knew you would come back. Am i not supposed to be glad that, that day is today? That it has come?

M: You waited?

AEM: Sort of.

M: Does that mean you're fine with this?

AEM: Of course! Welcome back!

Phew.